When something really painful happens to us and we are not able to fully process it (which is a high majority of the time when we are young), a part of our consciousness splits off and holds onto this pain as if the same circumstances were happening 24/7.
This split off part of our psyche (an inner child) stays at the same age and does not know that we have grown up. They don’t realize that Dad is not still drunk and pounding on their bedroom door or that they have moved far away from the neighborhood bully, so they constantly feel their pain, fear, grief, or anger.
Although we may not be aware of these young hurt parts of our self, they continue to affect our life on a daily basis in 2 major ways.
1 The painful emotions they hold onto create a background filter as we go through life. This filter of betrayal, shame, or sadness brings the influence of past pain into every life experience, even if we are not aware of it.
2 They often hold self-sabotaging subconscious beliefs that wreak havoc on our adult goals and desires.
We can discover these hurt parts of our self and offer them compassion and love in order to heal and release their pain. We can ALSO teach them new life-affirming ways of being which gradually upgrades their programming (our subconscious beliefs).
Below are 4 ways that working with our inner child is a fast track to transformation.
1 Access point to subconscious mind
Most of us know how important it is to keep our thoughts positive and focused on what we want rather than what we don’t want. We may use daily affirmations which are helpful, but they tend to not get into the subconscious mind. Traditional talk therapy also does not usually work with the subconscious mind, so progress can be slow.
Talking with our inner child(ren) gives us direct access to our subconscious beliefs and a way to upgrade our subconscious beliefs by teaching our inner child(ren) new healthy beliefs.
Our subconscious must be on board with our adult goals and desires. The subconscious mind is 1000 times more powerful than our conscious mind and responsible for over 95% of our thoughts, feelings, and decisions. Our subconscious beliefs are largely formed in childhood. We may consciously believe that we are wonderful, but if our inner child believes that something is wrong with us due to early abuse or neglect, it is a lot harder to really show up in the world with our full authentic empowered self.
2 Heal pain from past
There is no way to undo hurtful words or experiences, so the best we can do is to offer love and nurturing words to lessen the sting. For most of us, these hurts parts have been all alone with their pain for many years. They are in essence hurt little children trying to deal with their hurt feelings on their own.
We can be an unconditionally loving parent who validates their pain and offers love and compassion through reassuring comforting words such as:
-I am so sorry you got hurt.
-You did not deserve to be treated that way.
-That was a really mean thing he did to you.
-That was really scary when Mom screamed at you.
-You deserve kindness and respect.
-I will never hurt you.
-I care about you.
-Your feelings are important to me.
-I want to take care of you.
-I am here now and you are safe with me.
3 Fascinating and enlightening process to discover the roots of our suffering
We generally have an idea about the things that are holding us back such as:
-difficulty asking for help
-not being able to trust anyone
-feeling like we can’t say no
-feeling like we are not good enough
…the list goes on….
By connecting with our inner child(ren) we can actually discover why we have these issues. We can find the parts of our self that picked up these self-sabotaging beliefs and why they adopted these beliefs. Not only is this fascinating, but it also shows us the exact part of our self that needs love and guidance so we can change these debilitating beliefs at the core level. You might be surprised how a seemingly “small” experience when you were young had such a huge impact on your life.
4 Effective method to boosting self-esteem and confidence
Painful experiences often subconsciously teach children things like:
-I am not important.
-There is something about me that is not ok.
-I am not lovable.
-I can’t get what I want.
-I don’t deserve to have success.
-I am not smart.
-I can’t do anything right.
…the list goes on…
We can find these hurt parts and teach them differently. Shower them with praise. Pump them up. Give them a ton of love. This is not a time to be shy or humble. They need to hear how awesome they are. The more you can give words of affirmation to yourself, the less you will crave it from others and the more you will actually take it in and begin to believe it!
Maybe your inner child would like to hear something like:
-You are so brave!
-You are so smart!
-I love how creative you are.
-You have a beautiful heart.
-You are a gift to this world.
-You are so capable.
-You are really good at making things.
Perhaps these words are resonating with you. I invite you to schedule a free Discovery Call, where we can discuss your healing goals and how I may assist you on your journey.
Having an ally and guide on the inner child healing journey helps you to go deeper faster. I would be honored to be that person for you.